Stasia's Place Of Grace

Sunday, September 08, 2002

 

Second Sunday Update

• I have updated my dyeing experiments page with the natural dyes I worked on this week. Please take a peek. General instructions are there; let me know if you have a question.

• The party went just fine. Everyone was nice as pie. I got some nice gifts (CDs, some money, some homemade jam).

  One wonderful thing I got was a set of handknit dishcloths from my mother-in-law. This was cool, because she has started knitting again after about 22 years because of my influence. She also brought along a little preemie hat she'd made from an Internet pattern I'd shared with her (she'll be donating it to a hospital). It makes me happy to see her take up the craft again.

  I am also happy I got Di knitting, because she got her mother to take it up again, too. That is three more people making preemie hats and wedding afghans, all because of me. That feeling is very cool, and that is why I like these little dishcloths so much - they will remind me of how I made a difference by passing along a craft.

  The pizza was great and there's lots left over in my fridge. Yum!

• All went just fine with my mom (even though Dave and Di, my "buffers", were 45 minutes late because Di got sick at her soccer game today! What true friends, to show up anyway!)

  My mom gave me a card that said, in part:

  "[The bond between mother and daughter....] means it's ok if it takes a long time to undersatnd each other on some things... it means some things don't have to be understood or solved or perfect."

  And that seemed to be the same point I was trying to get to - to just sort of deal with where we are, without overanalyzing with each other how we got here. (I analyze it enough with my therapist!) We can have the relationship we have, and it doesn't have to be close, or mushy, or anything but just accepting or maybe tolerant, and that's ok.

  It wasn't that difficult to just get together. Let me re-phrase that: getting to this point was very difficult after I chose not to see her for so long... if you ever think of severing a knot with someone, think twice, because re-tying it will be ten times harder!

  But the actual experience of being together wasn't strained or uncomfortable, obviously because there were other people around to keep various conversations going, so it really went ok. Not like I want to run out and take her to the mall or anything, but it was very nice. She brought me a rose, and a gift certificate to a local book store, and was very chatty with everyone, so it really went as well as could be expected and now it won't be hard to get together in the future. But I will remember to do what is best for me, knowing how stress affects my health... I will choose when, and how, I will let her be a part of my life. And if I can't stick to that, I can always back away again.

So now it is time to unwind from all this dyeing, worrying, sweater finishing, and pizza eating, and SPIN! Look out, Gem, here I come! It's time you and I got to know each other!

Thank you, everyone, for your birthday wishes and your support through the disFUNctional Family Function! I sincerely appreciate it! I encourage you to re-connect with someone in your life today, too. Bells may not ring, doves may not fly skyward, and tears may not flow, but at least you will have taken a smidgen of uncomfortableness out of the world, allowing for a freer flow of positivity... I know my insides feel a little better now. If I can do it, so can you!

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