Stasia's Place Of Grace

Sunday, November 03, 2002

 

On Being Offended...

This weekend, two people, in two different instances, said very hurtful things to me. These things were not intended to hurt, yet the people could have (should have) thought before they said them, and they obviously felt bad for saying them afterwards.

So many times, people speak without thinking - in the heat of the moment, because they're preoccupied with "life", or simply because they don't feel relationships are worth making an effort for. There are as many different reasons for vomiting thoughtless words as there are people.

Yet those words, spoken in an instant, can have a long-lasting, detrimental effect on the listener, and therefore on the relationship. And at the end of the day - the end of our life - what is important was not that we remembered to finish a spreadsheet, or were in a hurry to do shopping, or were too tired to make an effort to be polite... but that we maintained good communication with those we loved or those whose lives we touched for just an instant.

As much as we have a responsibility to be careful and cautious with our words, so, too, do we have a responsibility to listen with a heart of peace. It is so easy to misconstrue what someone says as a personal affront; to fall into, as my communications prof used to call it, "Fundamental Attribution Error," where we think we know why someone said something and what they "meant" by it, but we're really as far off-base as could be.

We are often so quick to get our noses out of joint... to hold a grudge for something unintended and instantly regretted... or to blame others for circumstances in their lives over which they don't have control.

I chose not to hold grudges over these two painful instances. Yes, they hurt... very, very badly, even though I know the pain wasn't intended. But I know the people who said these things are victims of their own limitations - one by life circumstances, the other by mental illness - and I know that in their hearts, both of these people love me very much.

Of course, that doesn't make me want to spend a lot of time with them... but that's ok. Maybe these unintended jabs just mean we've all seen a little too much of one another lately, and we need a break to gain perspective and respect. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder, and houseguests and fish smell after three days, right?

So instead of getting my nose out of joint, I'm going to get it into a cup of tea, a book, or some knitting... and make sure the energy I send out into the world is patient, loving, kind, and thoughtful. I'm going to stop the negativity on its path, and instead filter it right out and give off light instead.

Do no harm, and take no harm. The person who remains offended and does not forgive is as guilty of the offense as the person who offended in the first place. Be peace. Let it stop, and start, with you.

(And think how much we'd accomplish if we channelled our offenses into knitting time!!!)

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Fibery Stuff

• Jeff would like me to make a knitted vest for his grandfather for Christmas, so I posted to the KnitList and asked whether anyone knew of a seamless and relatively easy pattern - that could be finished in two months!

• I found some Patons Kroy sock yarn on an impromtu visit to the not-so-LYS this weekend, and after buying and trying it, promptly ordered more from YarnForward.com. I love this stuff! It's a bit thicker and fuzzier than Regia, but more like that than, say, Opal or Meilenweit or Lorna's Laces.

  At the Patons site, you can click on the colorways, and see them in a knitted swatch (check out the Winter Eclipse colorway!) I think that's invaluable... as are the links to E-tailers where you can instantly purchase the yarn. I am really impressed with the Patons site - they've got it down! Not like some other manufacturers I've visited lately, who don't differentiate between physical retailers and e-tailers, and whose listed vendors sometimes no longer stock their wares!

  The socks I'm currently working on are a deep cranberry color, and I'm doing a ribbing alternating with a tiny cable or twisted stitch. Very Christmassy - and for me.

• I wore the gray cable sweater out today, and everyone loved it. It is very lightweight, yet very warm. I think it'll look good after being blocked. I'm liking it more and more. And finishing it feels sooooo good!

• My visiting sister was knitting some baby hats of Mission Falls 1824 Cotton. It is a really funky, squooshy, soft yarn, and knits up quick because it's pretty thick. It has the neatest texture, and comes in some really lovely colors.

  Sis's hats are really cute... but for the life of me, I can't fathom why people cast on at the big parts of things, instead of the little parts... to me it is just easier to cast on at the top of a hat, the tip of a mitten, or the toe of a sock, and then increase up to the full number of stitches, rather than casting on at the brim, wrist, or ankle with a whole ton of stitches. But, to each, his own!

• Sis was interested in learning to spin, so I gave her a spindle and some Brown Sheep roving, and a little lesson, and away she went! She had no problems spinning either thick-n-thin singles, or fine singles, and hopefully she'll stick with this new craft. She used to weave, and did a lot of fiber and natural materials sculptures when she was in art school, before she got into digital animation. I'm hoping her return to knitting indicates a renewed interest in fiber arts, as her job is so technology-based and stressful.

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If someone has hurt you, I hope that today you will channel that pain into something productive! Peace be with you!

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