Stasia's Place Of Grace

Tuesday, August 13, 2002

 

A Place To Be Myself

This is my little journaling desk.

Jeff got this little lap desk for me after I had hurt my back and was stuck in bed. It was such a thoughtful gift, because the center tilts up to support books, and the side "pockets" hold all my writing materials.

On the left are two journals - one for fiberarts projects (photos of raw fiber I've purchased with records pertaining to the animal and farmer; photos and notes pertaining to dyeing experiments; photos of finished projects; notes on patterns) and one for naturalist notes - when the migrating birds return, when the flowers bloom, when the first snowfall occurs.

The open book is my regular journal, where I log what I did each day, how I felt emotionally and physically (this is helpful in monitoring the effects of medications or dietary changes or natural treatments with which I'm experimenting.) I also get really crabby in this journal, which is why I can talk about only positive things here at the Blog. :-) I also note whether I've practiced my recorder or Native American flute music, whether I've knit or spun, and what books I'm reading, movies I'm watching, or music I've been listening to, with little reviews.

My CD player is here, because I like to listen to relaxing music while I'm gathering my thoughts. Tonight it was John Huling's "Canyon Spirit". I will also often light a few candles or diffuse some essential oil to still my mood and gain focus (Juniper tonight).

On the right is a cigar box which holds all my gel pens for writing in my black journals - I have several blank ones, that I purchased on sale, in storage, waiting for me.

When I journal, I like to use stickers to mark the seasons or my moods (note the snowman and sled in the photo!) Sometimes I will cut out photos from magazines - things I can't afford but consider beautiful, clothes I love but would never wear (I'm a confirmed leggings and bluejean shirt gal), quotes on little plaques - and I glue-stick them into the pages. I save stubs from movie tickets in there, too.

This is a great time of year to stock up on fun pens and creative things for journaling from the back-to-school sections of stores. You can spend under $10 and get a new journal, a funky pen, some stickers, and get started!

While I try to keep things very positive here at the Blog, those who know me know that my health makes for some rough times. It is nice to have a place where I can just be myself - as crabby, immature, bad-natured, depressed, or sullen as I want - and where nobody will judge me for it. Sometimes I get really mad at people, but I know that that anger will pass... and yet it weighs on me and prevents me from focusing on something else. So, rather than hurt someone's feelings over something I know I won't care about in a few days, I will rant and rave about it in my journal... and always feel better afterwards.

It's not like I expect anyone to cherish my memoirs after I'm gone - they're much too self-involved to be of any merit, and I really don't want anyone to see them, ever! But writing down my thoughts is as good as verbalizing them to a therapist. It's amazing how your mind grasps things differently when you actually go through the act of putting your thoughts into words. Usually I'll gain a whole new perspective, but at a minimum I will have gotten bothersome things off my chest and be able to get on with my day in a better mood (or get to sleep more easily).

Journaling is like exercise... when you do it, you feel great. When you don't make an effort to do it, you kind of forget about it, until things build up inside you and you find yourself weeping for no reason, or making sarcastic faces at people on the highway. Then it's time to get that journal out and crab to your heart's content... and you wonder why you waited so long!

Today I felt like I didn't have anything to be grateful for or to share with you. So I got out my journal and got out all my blicky crabbiness, and then I realized how thankful I was for my own, safe place to do that.

Happy journaling! And if you're visiting this site, please sign the TagBoard! I think I only have three visitors... but I value those three very, very much! :-)

(By the way, I advise you all to sneak outside in your jammies like I did the other night... I forgot to say how much it reminded me of my childhood, when I'd have an early bath and be in my jammies before sunset, but would sneak outside to listen to the adults as they chatted on the patio. Try it! You'll like it!)

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