Stasia's Place Of Grace

Thursday, August 22, 2002

 

Knowing When To Throw In The Towel

I've been working on the Fiesta Feet socks today... and it has not been fun.

In my life, I have always pushed things to the limit. I always tried to go the extra mile, be super-professional and -efficient, and never give up.

It really wore me down, literally to the point of collapse.

Now I find myself struggling with these silly socks. The pattern isn't hard, but it requires that attention be paid to it. It also requires two-color stranded knitting, something I've never been good at and have never enjoyed. I think that in the last row or two I made an error, and frankly, I don't want to figure out what that might have been. Life's just too short... my energy resources, too limited... my attention span, non-existent.

FREE TO GOOD HOME: A "Fiesta Feet" sock pattern by Lucy Neatby, one sock in progress with possible error in last row or two, enough yarn to finish the pair. Will also include the pattern for her Gingham socks if I can find it because that, too, involves two-color knitting.

Sometimes life isn't about being first, being best, completing everything perfectly at all costs. I'm not Martha Stewart. I'm not even Florence Henderson. I just want some mindless knitting while I sit here and watch "Pride And Prejudice" or toss a ball for my dogs or have a conversation with my husband. Because those are the things I really enjoy... the things I didn't make time for before, and the things that aren't worth giving up just because I like the look of these really cool socks. I can, and must, handle acknowledging that something that once would have been achievable for me just isn't any more.

That's ok, because I am learning that being is as important, or more important, than always doing. Being in the moment, noticing and appreciating the world around me, is more valuable (and necessary) to me at this stage in my life than achieving goals at all costs (and hating the whole process!)

But that doesn't mean these socks wouldn't be a piece of cake for you, so e-mail me, titled "socks" if you're interested in having this kit to work on, and I'll do a little drawing tomorrow (Friday) evening!

Good, one more project "finished." Now I just have that gray sweater... but though it's a cable pattern, it's one color and has an easy-to-follow chart so at least I can listen to a book on tape without fudging it! (I hope...)

And now I have a good excuse to cast on a simple pair of socks, so that I have an easy, mindless portable project available! The Fiesta Feet would not have made for good airport knitting, and I've been itching to cast on this new Regia and work up my mindless pattern!

Things I Have Thrown The Towel In On

Horseback riding, ballet dancing, aerobics, rollerblading, having a career, eating whatever I want, playing the flute, sitting in a chair for very long, gardening, wearing nice but uncomfortable clothes and shoes, moderating and coordinating busy (yet fun) Internet discussion groups, several Dale Of Norway sweater kits, and now the Fiesta Feet socks.

Things I Can Still Enjoy (If I Am Careful And Take Appropriate Care Of Myself)

Walking, knitting, spinning, playing with and training dogs, visiting others' gardens and horses, hiking short distances (sometimes), shopping (sometimes - thank goodness for the Internet!), meditation, reading, listening to music, canoeing (or at least riding along), watching polo matches.

Things I Took Up After Having To Stop Doing That Other Stuff

Weaving, making spindles, bike riding, eating more healthfully, Qigong/Tai Chi, mindfulness, playing the recorder, wearing comfy clothes without feeling guilty, saying "No" without feeling guilty, accepting help without feeling guilty, sharing what I can with other people (sock pattern, textile link pages, bee website).

I am thankful I can allow myself to throw in the towel now, and not beat myself up about it. I am thankful there are other towels coming out of the dryer, fresh and clean and warm and fuzzy, now that I have gotten rid of the other ones.

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